A Practical Parenting Tool In Which I Love

Every now and again, I'll come across something that is so helpful that I gotta share it.

It's called the "Positive Conclusion" (a heart-based approach to correction) from the National Center for Biblical Parenting. This tool is composed of four simple steps (3 questions and 1 statement). In recent weeks I have used this tool with my own kids and also with the kids I work with at church. I have seen moments of discipline turn into positive outcomes in which the child's behavior, the child's heart, and my relationship with the child are positively effected.

So, here's how it works:

 I tell Sally "Stop running, Sally."

Sally acknowledges my instruction.

Two minutes later, I look over and spot Sally running again. (Here's where the Positive Conclusion  is about to kick-in.)

Take a break, not a "time out", child determines the length of the break.

"Sally, you need to sit out and take a break. Let me know when you're ready to talk."

Sally approaches me after she takes a break and says, "I'm ready."

So I ask her, "What did you do wrong ?" (child takes responsibility)

Sally answers, "I ran."

Then I ask, "Why was that wrong?" (this gets to the heart/values you want to cultivate in the child)

Sally hesitates (this is a questions that may be hard for the child to work through at first), "Because I disobeyed you." (you want to key in on a value: i.e. disobedience, respect, modesty, honesty, etc.)

Next I ask, "What are you going to do differently next time?" (turns to a positive discussion, repeat, rehearse, equip child with how and ideas)

Sally decides, "I will walk and not run."

Finally, I say, "Go ahead and try again!" (practice, be hopeful, communicate that you believe the child can do it)

I love this approach! If you are interested in learning more about heart-based parenting visit: Biblical Parenting University.